In Honour of 4 Years Together

Tuesday, 11 February 2014

I have been thinking a lot about my marriage lately. We are coming up on 4 years of marriage (over 5 years together) and they were certainly action packed years. It wasn't easy in the beginning. I moved across the country as soon as I graduated University to start a life with Andino. It was exciting because I love adventure and new beginnings, but it was also really hard because I never envisioned living so far away from my family. It took me a long time to adjust to my new life and to settle in. Now I can say with certainty that I have adjusted and that I feel really happy about where I am, but it took me about 2 years to be able to say that. Then we faced the challenge of infertility. There was no way we could have prepared ourselves for it but I am so proud of how we handled it. I feel so blessed every day that I have a man who supported me and my dreams to grow my family every step of the way. He was willing to go to the ends of the earth to make my dream of becoming a Mama - A Gypsy Mama - come true.

Everyone who has been through it, knows that infertility can be hard on your marriage. Andino and I were just talking the other night about how hard things were in the year and a half after we officially got the infertility diagnosis. How he would call me in the afternoon and worry as he was dialing about what kind of mood he'd find me in when I answered the phone. If I was depressed or stressed it would throw his mood off for the rest of the day too. I was constantly researching adoption programs and then getting frustrated when they would close or we weren't eligible. Andino was making budgets for the next 15+ years to try and figure out how we could afford to adopt. It was hard times. There were lots of good times mixed in there for sure, but there was always an underlying river of stress.

I often wonder what kind of person I would be if I hadn't been through the challenges of the past few years. If we had conceived when we first started trying 4 years ago. I know that some people don't like to talk about infertility as a blessing in disguise, but in a way it was for me. There is no doubt in my mind that all the struggles we've been through over the past few years have only made us stronger. They've made me wiser and our marriage stronger. I feel so ready to become a parent with Andino and I'm glad I didn't miss out on the lessons I've learned through the challenges we've faced. I know there will be many more challenges to come, but I feel confident we can take them on because of our history.

I look at Andino and see a man who not only said he would support me in my darkest days, but actually did. He shared in my pain of failed cycles, held me when I was sobbing uncontrollably, injected me with hormones, put up with countless hormone-induced mood swings, never hesitated when I presented an adoption program to him that meant spending $40,000+ and me being away for 9 months... and before all that he helped me write my application for a youth internship abroad, that meant I was away from him for 6 months in the first year of our marriage. He drove me to the airport a few weeks later and spoke to me on the phone every day while I was away and never ONCE made me feel guilty for following my dream. It's an incredible feeling to know that my husband has my back no matter what.

We both place a high importance on travel and are constantly planning our next adventure. We travel together as often as we travel independently. I go home to the Maritimes once a year alone and once a year with Andino. I also spent a lot of time in Mexico alone while there for treatment. Andino travels with his band for festivals sometimes and he just got back from a month in Chile. I always thought that my idea of a perfect marriage would be one that allowed us both to maintain our independence. To have our own dreams as much as shared dreams. Having that with Andino makes me feel incredibly lucky. Even though it's what I always wanted in my marriage, it's hard for me sometimes because I have a strong jealous streak when it comes to my husband. I know that I owe it to Andino to support him 100% and not create unnecessary drama and its something I am committed to working on in myself. That's my New Marriage Year Resolution.

Baby girl is due in 15 weeks and then we will enter a new chapter in our lives. I am so excited to see what kind of adventures and experiences parenthood will bring. More than anything I am so happy to be sharing them with Andino.

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17 comments:

  1. All I have to say is that you both are so photogenic, I'm sure gypsy baby will be no exception! Can't wait to see how your journey develops in the next chapter. :)

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  2. I love this post. I think that infertility is one of those things that shakes a marriage to the core and either you get through together or things fall apart. Our journeys shape our marriages into what they are today. What a beautiful new chapter for you both having a daughter together xxx

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  3. Such a beautiful tribute to such a strong union! I love that picture, I know adoption is always going to be on your agenda, so I nominate that picture for your photo book. I love the way you discuss how infertility has strengthen your relationship and I know the best is yet to come!

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  4. I love this. While it might sometimes be pushing it to feel "grateful" for our struggles (particularly in the middle of them - they do seem much tamer when viewed from a distance) it is true that we assign the meaning of events and circumstances in our lives. I really enjoy reading your meditations because you always try to find the positive meaning, when it is so easy to find the negative one. And what a beautiful photo. You and Andino are very fortunate in each other.

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  5. This was absolutely beautiful! Happy four years to you and Andino!

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  6. "I look at Andino and see a man who not only said he would support me in my darkest days, but actually did." Wow - this brought to me tears. Do you mind if I just switch the name to B and write this in my husbands Valentines card? Happy Anniversary!

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  7. Our journey definitely shapes our marriages. I'm so thankful that we were able to get through and be stronger!

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  8. I do have this photo in my adoption photo book :) Thanks so much!

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  9. You're right, I definitely always try to find a positive meaning to everything. It really helps me cope! Thanks so much :)

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  10. Absolutely!! Happy Valentine's Day :)

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  11. nonsequiturchica13 February 2014 04:12

    Happy four years!

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  12. Happy upcoming anniversary! I love your reflections on your years together.

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  13. You are a beautiful person, both inside and out. And I must say, that is a handsome fellow you have :) Happy 4 years together and here's to many more!

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  14. Happy 4 years! And happy to hear that you're doing well in your pregnancy and almost a mama. Congrats.

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